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Parenting Tip

courtesy of Emily Wicker, Staff Counselor

Daily Encouragement

When was the last time you gave your child encouragement?  Hebrews 3:13 says that we are to encourage each daily.  We all need encouragement from others.  This applies to children too!

Praise is different than encouragement.  Praise focuses on the end product or result of something.  Example:  “You’re such a good girl!”  This may cause the child to think,” Am I accepted only when I’m good?”; “You got an A. That’s great!”  The child may wonder,” Am I only worthwhile when I get an A?”  Continual praise causes external motivation.  Therefore, the child will try to achieve the same result so that they can receive praise.  The motivation is not internally driven.

Encouragement focuses on the effort rather than the result.  This causes children to become internally motivated or driven.  Example: “You worked really hard on your grades, and it seems you’re excited about them” (encouragement) vs. “I’m so proud of you for doing perfect” (praise).  *”Children who feel their efforts are encouraged, valued, and appreciated develop qualities of persistence and determination and tend to be good problem solvers.”

*Examples of Encouraging Phrases:

                    “You didn’t give up until you figured it out.”

                    “You worked really hard on that.”

                    “I have confidence in you.  You’ll figure it out.”

                    “It was thoughtful of you to _____________.”

                    “Look at the progress you’ve made…”

Challenge for the week:  Give at least one encouraging statement to your child every day.  This could be verbal or written.

* Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual:  A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for   Training Parents, Bratton, S. Landreth, G.; Kellam, T. & Blackard, S.R. (2006).

Parenting Tip
courtesy of Emily Wicker, Staff Counselor

Privilege Goes With Responsibility

Jesus told a parable about a landowner who returned to find two stewards who had been responsible and one that hadn't been. The landowner said to the responsible stewards, "You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Jesus was teaching his disciples that those who are responsible will receive more.

This principle that privilege and responsibility go together is the primary way that parents can discipline their teens. Too often parents give privileges to teens who aren't responsible enough to handle them. Just because a child is fourteen years old doesn't mean that he is mature enough to go to a friend's house without supervision. Don't give privileges based on age, use responsibility as a guide instead.

One mom was asked by her thirteen-year-old daughter, "How old do I have to be before I can babysit?"

Mom was wise enough to respond, "The answer doesn't have to do with age. It has to do with responsibility."

Her daughter continued, "How will you know when I'm responsible enough?"

"I'll see signs of responsibility at home. I can tell if you are responsible by how you take care of your room and what kind of choices you make when I'm not around."

Parents sometimes give privileges to children who aren't responsible enough to handle them. Privileges are things like being home alone, having an email account, carrying a cell phone, going to the mall with friends, or being able to stay up later.

Children want privileges and often pressure their parents to give them. You can use privileges to teach responsibility. "Before I can give you access to the Internet, I have to see that you can take a stand for righteousness, be honest under pressure, and do the right thing when no one is watching."  Or, "I'd like to allow you to stay up later but it means that you have to demonstrate a good attitude during the day. I'm not sure we're there yet."


This tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

***Taken from Biblicalparenting.org  

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Parenting Tip
courtesy of Emily Wicker, Staff Counselor

Never do something for your child that they are capable of doing themselves.

I know this can be hard, especially for women, because God designed us to be nurturing towards our children.  However, when you do things that your child is capable of doing themselves, you rob them of the joy of discovery and problem solving.  If you always do things for your child that they can do themselves, your child will learn that YOU will always solve their problems for them.  They also may feel that they are not competent or capable of doing things themselves.

Challenge for this week: Become aware of things you do for your child that they are capable of doing themselves and start encouraging them to do those things themselves!  You may encounter some resistance in the short run, especially if your child is used to you doing everything for them, but it will be worthwhile in the long run. 

”But encourage one another daily…” ~ Hebrews 3:13

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