courtesy of Emily Wicker, Staff Counselor
Do you find yourself having power struggles with your
children, even over the smallest things?
Maybe these take place in the morning before school or at night before bed. Regardless of when they occur, allowing
children to make their own choices can reduce these struggles tremendously.
“Providing children with age-appropriate choices empowers
children by allowing them a measure of control over their circumstances. Children who feel more empowered and “in
control” are more capable of regulating their own behavior, a prerequisite for
self-control. Choices require that
children tap into their inner resources, rather than relying on parents (external
resource) to stop their behavior or solve the problem for them. If parents always intervene, children learn
that “Mom or Dad will figure out a solution if I get in a jam”” (Bratton,
Landreth, 2006, p.274-275).
By allowing children to make choices, they are given the
opportunity to develop problem solving and decision making skills. Children will learn that choices they make
come with certain consequences. This
allows children to learn to take responsibility for their decisions and
actions.
So you might be wondering…how do I give age-appropriate
choices to my kids about everything?
Here are a few examples. Let’s
say you have a power struggle with getting Matt dressed for school in the
morning. A choice you could give would
be,” Matt, would you like to wear the yellow shirt or blue shirt today?” Let’s say you have a power struggle with
Sarah because she doesn’t want to brush her teeth before bed. A choice you could give would be,” Sarah,
would you like to brush your teeth before I read you a bedtime story or after?”
You can also use choices to give consequences to
children. For example, “Sally, if you
choose to not clean up your room, you choose to not eat dessert after dinner.”
Or, “Mark, if you choose to hit your sister, you choose to sit in time-out for
10 minutes.” By doing this, children are
able to connect their choices to their consequences, again promoting decision
making and responsibility.
*This
parenting tip was taken from Child Parent
Relationship Therapy (CPRT) A 10 Session Filial Therapy Model by Garry L. Landreth
and Sue C. Bratton (2006).
