Parenting Tip

courtesy of Emily Wicker, Staff Counselor

Daily Encouragement

When was the last time you gave your child encouragement?  Hebrews 3:13 says that we are to encourage each daily.  We all need encouragement from others.  This applies to children too!

Praise is different than encouragement.  Praise focuses on the end product or result of something.  Example:  “You’re such a good girl!”  This may cause the child to think,” Am I accepted only when I’m good?”; “You got an A. That’s great!”  The child may wonder,” Am I only worthwhile when I get an A?”  Continual praise causes external motivation.  Therefore, the child will try to achieve the same result so that they can receive praise.  The motivation is not internally driven.

Encouragement focuses on the effort rather than the result.  This causes children to become internally motivated or driven.  Example: “You worked really hard on your grades, and it seems you’re excited about them” (encouragement) vs. “I’m so proud of you for doing perfect” (praise).  *”Children who feel their efforts are encouraged, valued, and appreciated develop qualities of persistence and determination and tend to be good problem solvers.”

*Examples of Encouraging Phrases:

                    “You didn’t give up until you figured it out.”

                    “You worked really hard on that.”

                    “I have confidence in you.  You’ll figure it out.”

                    “It was thoughtful of you to _____________.”

                    “Look at the progress you’ve made…”

Challenge for the week:  Give at least one encouraging statement to your child every day.  This could be verbal or written.

* Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual:  A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for   Training Parents, Bratton, S. Landreth, G.; Kellam, T. & Blackard, S.R. (2006).